THIS IS NOT EASY!!!!

I'm feeling quite disappointed with a slight set back!

Yesterday started off ok, I showered and dressed without too much trouble. Then I helped Andrew with his bathing, hair washing and dressing. I then did a small load of washing. I carried one or two items outside at a time and hung them on a low clothes line. After a bit of a rest Andrew and I went for an easy walk of 15 - 20 minutes. (I had decided that yesterday was the start of my gentle exercise regime - a walk in the morning and afternoon).

When we got home from the walk I felt tired, but thought this was a normal feeling related to going for the walk. But I didn't improve. As the day went on I felt more and more unwell and weak. I started having the cold chills and then feeling hot! I took my temperature and found it was up. I had already spoken to my surgeon about the oozing from a small part of my suture line and its very red color, but I was told that it was normal and because I felt well on the day I spoke to the surgeon, he said not to worry too much. But because now I was unwell and with a temperature, I feared I did have an infection.

Once again my sister to the rescue who made the necessary phone calls and miraculously got me to a local GP under direction of my surgeon's nurse and had antibiotics prescribed. I got home to what was the worst 12 hours of chills and sweats and feeling yuk with a throbbing headache.

But today I have woken a bit better and throughout the day have felt mildly better. I feel quite weak and I have been told I still look quite pale and exhausted. Even though I told my mum I could manage, she decided to come back to help me. She had only just gone home to Echuca on Tuesday!! I feel terrible that she hasn't had a decent rest.

It is so hard coping with my own recovery plus having Andrew going through his own recovery and needing help with things. He tries so hard to help me with his limited capacity and I try hard to help him. But this isn't easy!!!!! I am back in the stage of wondering just what have I done to myself and why did I do this and there is no way I am going back for any more surgery!!! I know these feelings will pass again as they have every other time I have them. But it is so discouraging to not recover at the pace I want to. I know I push myself, but I have taught myself to push my body over the past 2 years to get to this point. I am used to going the extra mile to get the good results. But I need to learn that this isn't the time to be pushing myself.

I have had visitors in today which is just so great. I get lovely comments all the time and friends really care. My sister and mum have done so much to help me and Andrew. My sister's kids are great when they pop in also. So loving and very easy to amuse. I was just tickled pink to walk into my bedroom a little while ago to find them on the bed with Andrew helping them to play a game on the X - box.