Fitting into my skin!!

Today I have had a day where I have been confident with how I look. Also a day that I feel like my body and the swelling haven't let me down. Some days I get really frustrated with the swelling and feel really discouraged that all this pain and discomfort has been a waste of time. But today as I have said in the title, I feel I had a day of fitting into my skin!!! Funny thing to say, but it describes how it feels to have such a different body to what I am used to.

To mark this day, I took the above photos. I purposely didn't take my face, but the parts of my body that have given me a real boost today.

In regards to healing, it still continues to be a slow process. I am happy though that the infected spots are all healing quite quickly. I only have one small spot on my right leg now. The pain and stiffness in my legs is slowly going and I can have moments of not even feeling any discomfort in them. The end of the day is a different story, but that is to be expected. The swelling is taking the longest to heal, but I have been doing a bit of reading, and see that this length of time is quite normal. Changing position, whether while in bed or getting out of a chair or in and out of the car is what gives me the most trouble. But that is getting less now, and as long as I don't stay in the same position for too long, I am ok.

So, it is the time to keep positive, and hang onto the confidence I feel today. And then to remember to use these great feelings to pick me up the next time I am feeling down and unsure of the whole process.

Six Weeks Post Surgery and Back to Work!!

I have had my first week back at work, and let me tell you, I am glad it is the weekend!!!

I was tired every day by 3pm but I managed. I was able to think clearly enough to get paperwork done and I had enough energy to visit clients. So I am pleased with that. Of course my diary filled up quickly but keeping busy is good also. It was great to think that in the 6th week post surgery I was able to handle being back at work again. And it was no where near as difficult or emotional as returning after my first surgery.

I have also enjoyed wearing some new clothes!!!

The swelling is still slowly going down on my legs and my infected spots are improving. I still seem to have an increase of swelling around my middle by the end of the day, which mostly goes down by the morning. I had another little spot open up on my right leg, but nothing too serious. I am finding that the spots that open up and ooze have a tiny stitch in them. The stitch eventually comes out after a couple of days - or if I pull hard enough on it - but that hurts. The stitches are just under the surface of the skin. Hopefully there aren't too many more.

I have tried to start a bit of exercise as I was feeling too sluggish with not doing anything structured. I have made sure I keep as active as possible, but I have been missing that feeling of having a good walk or a session of aerobics. I have had a couple of easy walks, one for 30 minutes and one today for 50 minutes with a few hills. I also tried a very easy, gentle 30 minute walk aerobics. I can tell you I felt every single step!! My legs hurt with each step, but not so badly that I had to stop. Generally I now have a feeling of a tight band around my knee and thigh area rather than pain. I get a stinging feeling where I have infected spots, but that settles after a while.

As for my arms, the scars have healed really well now and even starting to fade a bit. I still get a few twinges of pain around the elbow area, and reaching high is still a bit painful, but otherwise my arms are doing really well. I still have a little spot along the bra line scar that is open, but in the past few days it has gotten a lot smaller and doesn't ooze anymore.

Some days I still get very frustrated and low about how I feel and how long it seems to be taking to feel ok again, but last Thursday when I realised it was 6 weeks since surgery, I thought to myself that for 6 weeks post surgery, I am not doing too badly. I am such an impatient person!!!

I am starting to enjoy my body and my new shape. Andrew is so great encouraging me and telling me how great I look. I am enjoying the way I look in some of my new clothes. I am totally different to how I have been my whole life. I still catch myself in mirrors when I am out and can't believe it is me staring back at me! If I am having a confident day, I sneak a look at myself in anything that gives a reflection!!!!

Recovery progress continues.............

I am so pleased to be able to report that I am feeling so much better. I have much less pain and I only have one infected spot left. My movement is getting easier and I'm not as stiff when I change position. I am even able to manage a bit of shopping now!!!

I saw my surgeon the other day and I wasn't entirely thrilled with that visit. He advised me that the swelling would take another 3 months to go down. My thighs are still quite swollen, the right is worse than the left. He didn't seem to be able to give me any other information about the recovery and the expected results as he also has to wait for the swelling to go down. He has told me there may be small areas where the skin is a bit puckered that may need a bit of work. AAARRGGHHH, I don't know if I can stand anymore procedures!! Anyway, I don't have to see him again for another 3 months.

I am going back to work on Monday. I will go straight back into full time work, but my manager has been great saying I can take Wednesday off if I am getting too tired. I am ready to go back to work, I'm getting tired of being in the house all the time. I have started going out a lot though for a few hours at a time. I get a bit tired but its manageable.

Along with all the physiological changes to get used to, there are a lot of emotional and psychological things to work through. I see every little imperfection on my body and sometimes blow it right out of proportion. Its not that I want a perfect body, because what is a perfect body anyway! I just want to feel like I have a normal body, and a body that I am happy with and can be proud of the work I have done. When I see the swelling around my middle or on my legs, I don't always think clearly and rather than see it as swelling I see it as me getting bigger. Andrew is great at getting me back to reality and he is so supportive and encouraging. His words are often enough to fix my thoughts, but this thinking is part of the process also. I have been a certain size for all my life, and I have only had this new body for a short time. The way I perceive myself has a great impact on my confidence and belief in what I have achieved. Sometimes it is daunting when I think about my whole lifestyle change and that it has to be for life. I can't just relax now and think that is all I have to do! I am looking forward to being able to get back into my routine of exercise and the eating plan I have when I am at work and then the weekends. I feel safe when I have that routine. That is the routine that works for me!!

As I have gotten better over the past few weeks, my favourite thing to do is to look through my cook books and try recipes I have always wanted to make. I love cooking, and find it very relaxing and therapeutic. The challenge is to find good, healthy things to bake and cook, or to adapt the favourites so that they can be enjoyed without too much guilt!

Well, I hope to continue with the positive steps of recovery that I have been having. Next hurdle is getting back into work!!

These are the balloons my sister organised to be delivered to me!!