2 weeks to go.........15 more sleeps!!!

Oh my goodness, it is getting closer now!! My thoughts about surgery are certainly getting more intense. I am pretty focused on it all the time now!! Which of course makes coping with the rest of life very difficult, not to mention the stress I have at work!! I am having times of being emotional and generally what I call nutbar! It took me ages to find the words for how I was feeling. I finally found them; and how it is for me is, it's not so much that I am nervous about the surgery, or even worried, but I keep doubting myself that I deserve the surgery or that I have done enough work to be ready for it. I have visions of the hospital staff laughing behind my back saying what a fool I am to think that I can have this surgery. I know that is ridiculous and I know I have worked hard to get where I am, but those self doubts creep in. I wish I didn't get so embarrassed or self conscious when people comment or ask about my weight loss.

I have been very focused with my eating and exercise, and even though the scales are in the shed, I know I have lost weight and I definitely know my body shape has changed. When I saw the dietitian, she took a waist measurement, so I checked my measurement the other night (1am when I couldn't sleep!!) and I had lost another 4cm around my waist!!

It doesn't help that I have very little to wear at the moment that gives me the confidence of the body I have now. We all know how clothes can make us feel really good. I have stopped buying clothes as it would be a waste at this stage, so all my pants are loose and baggy. I'm getting sick of the same clothes. But I know that is such a little price to pay compared to how my body is going to be in a few weeks time.

Anyway, enough whinging! I should be celebrating. And I will. I know I will get over this little hump in the road and I will walk confidently into the hospital on the morning of October 15!! As long as I have Andrew by my side, and he is there when I wake up, then I know everything will be ok.

I have a very busy two weeks left at work, so hopefully that will make the days go quickly. I have the Melbourne Marathon next weekend and then the following weekend before surgery Andrew and I will be away for the weekend to my absolute favourite place on the Murray River at Echuca/Moama. Even better is that right before surgery I will be able to sit by the river, which always heals my soul, and I will be able to celebrate my Grandma's 91st birthday with her and my parents as they live at Moama.

So, I am in serious countdown mode now and I will continue my 1 1/2 hours of exercise daily and my healthy eating, so that come surgery day, I will be at the fittest I have ever been in my entire life!!!

P.S. I ran 4.2km (including 3 hills) yesterday in 32 minutes, which is a best for me, and setting me up well to run most of the 5.5km in the Melbourne Marathon!!

This was me at last years Melbourne Marathon. I can see the difference particularly in my face from a year ago! This was my first ever event! Such a windy day, I hope it isn't like that next Sunday!