2 weeks to go.........15 more sleeps!!!

Oh my goodness, it is getting closer now!! My thoughts about surgery are certainly getting more intense. I am pretty focused on it all the time now!! Which of course makes coping with the rest of life very difficult, not to mention the stress I have at work!! I am having times of being emotional and generally what I call nutbar! It took me ages to find the words for how I was feeling. I finally found them; and how it is for me is, it's not so much that I am nervous about the surgery, or even worried, but I keep doubting myself that I deserve the surgery or that I have done enough work to be ready for it. I have visions of the hospital staff laughing behind my back saying what a fool I am to think that I can have this surgery. I know that is ridiculous and I know I have worked hard to get where I am, but those self doubts creep in. I wish I didn't get so embarrassed or self conscious when people comment or ask about my weight loss.

I have been very focused with my eating and exercise, and even though the scales are in the shed, I know I have lost weight and I definitely know my body shape has changed. When I saw the dietitian, she took a waist measurement, so I checked my measurement the other night (1am when I couldn't sleep!!) and I had lost another 4cm around my waist!!

It doesn't help that I have very little to wear at the moment that gives me the confidence of the body I have now. We all know how clothes can make us feel really good. I have stopped buying clothes as it would be a waste at this stage, so all my pants are loose and baggy. I'm getting sick of the same clothes. But I know that is such a little price to pay compared to how my body is going to be in a few weeks time.

Anyway, enough whinging! I should be celebrating. And I will. I know I will get over this little hump in the road and I will walk confidently into the hospital on the morning of October 15!! As long as I have Andrew by my side, and he is there when I wake up, then I know everything will be ok.

I have a very busy two weeks left at work, so hopefully that will make the days go quickly. I have the Melbourne Marathon next weekend and then the following weekend before surgery Andrew and I will be away for the weekend to my absolute favourite place on the Murray River at Echuca/Moama. Even better is that right before surgery I will be able to sit by the river, which always heals my soul, and I will be able to celebrate my Grandma's 91st birthday with her and my parents as they live at Moama.

So, I am in serious countdown mode now and I will continue my 1 1/2 hours of exercise daily and my healthy eating, so that come surgery day, I will be at the fittest I have ever been in my entire life!!!

P.S. I ran 4.2km (including 3 hills) yesterday in 32 minutes, which is a best for me, and setting me up well to run most of the 5.5km in the Melbourne Marathon!!

This was me at last years Melbourne Marathon. I can see the difference particularly in my face from a year ago! This was my first ever event! Such a windy day, I hope it isn't like that next Sunday!

23 more sleeps............

Well it isn't long now before I have my surgery. The surgery is called circumferential abdominoplasty. I have said it plenty of times to myself now that it just rolls off my tongue!!! The picture here shows where the skin will be cut out from my front and back. Once the skin on the front has been cut out, then the skin from the upper part is stretched down to be sewn together just above the pubic line. I have been reading about the surgery, particularly the recovery stage as I am quite curious as to how I will recover. I have learnt that I won't be able to walk standing straight for a few days. I have always known there will be pain, but while I don't want to go into a panic about the pain, I don't want to underestimate it either.

I am starting to do the planning for the surgery now. I have sent back my pre admission forms, I have confirmed my support crew - lovely Andrew and my fantastic sister and my ever faithful mum. Mum is coming down from Echuca to be with me when I am discharged from hospital and my sister just lives around the corner. Andrew will take me into hospital on the day and be with me when I come out of surgery.

I am writing my list of things to get done before surgery, and I have made sure that list includes a hair cut and color and a massage!!!!

I am still following the dietitians guidelines and at my follow up appointment she felt I was well on the right track and didn't need to see her again until after surgery if I wanted any more assistance. I have still been keeping up the increased level of exercise, and I am feeling quite good for it. I want to be at my absolute best fitness for surgery.

I am still hoping to run as much of the 5.5km in the Melbourne Marathon as I can. I can run for 30 minutes at a slow pace, so I will see if I can run a bit more on the day. Although I do get unnerved in a crowd and find it hard to get my little spot so that I can be at my pace. I am sure there will be people who can walk just as fast as I can run!!! But I try to remember that it is about me, and my level of fitness and I don't have to compare myself to anyone else.

Well, the countdown continues until surgery, and I don't see my thoughts about it easing at all!!!

6 weeks to go.....................YAH!!!

I am excited that I can now say my surgery is "next month". September has arrived and the countdown is at 6 weeks. As soon as it hits 4 weeks, then I am counting the days!!!!

I am still striving to follow the dietitans guidelines and to not worry too much about the scales. They really don't always reflect your progress or discipline!

I had three days away at a conference for work. Being away causes some anxiety over not having total control of what I can choose to eat. The food on offer at the conference was wonderful, but I tried to take the healthy options, and dove into the fruit bowl as much as possible. I kept up my water intake and was happy with that. I did have a few treats but felt ok having them. I made full use of the mini gym in the hotel. I used the tread mill and exercise bike morning and night. It felt great. I loved increasing the speed so that I was jogging, and even increased it to a fast run. But that was only for 30 second intervals!!

I just finished reading a book called 'Walk your Weight Off'. I think it was called that!! It was designed for people just starting out walking, but had enough in it to keep my interest. I found the chapter on Interval Training very interesting as I have been trying to do interval training myself. It was much easier to do this type of training on the treadmill where you could put the speed up, or increase the incline.

It is quite satisfying to have a really good work out where the sweat is pouring off your forehead and your clothes are all wet. As much as I like this accomplishment, I can't wait to get in the shower afterwards!!!!

I did a 30 minute jog this morning which included two hills. Boy does that make you work hard. Yesterday I did a 80 minute walk including HUGE hills. I was so tired when I got home. I later drove the roads I walked and was pleased to see I had walked 8.1km. Usually when I include hills, I don't walk that far in that time, so I am excited to see my speed is increasing.

Well, 6 weeks to go until surgery! It is getting closer. I am so focused on it and what my recovery will be like. I am so sick of the skin hanging in front of me. I don't think people realise the impact it has. When it still hangs like you have a big tummy, it gets very discouraging and easy to forget the hard work that has been put in to get rid of the extra weight. But I can feel my bones, and standing in certain positions, I can see that it is flabby skin rather than the firmer tummy it used to be. I just have to remain positive and focused, and I will continue to reach my goals.